i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
