i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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