Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
