He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
