Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
