You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
