Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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