I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
