I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
