DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
