sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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