laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
