I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i love accidental penises.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
