she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's shark week go big or go home
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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