Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
