Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
