I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
