Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
