I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
