Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
