Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
