I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
