do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
