yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
