haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
