I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I am mentally ready for anal.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
