Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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