It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
