I puked a lego.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
