batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
