Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So squirting runs in the family.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
