The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
