she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
