Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
