I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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