Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
