I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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