Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
