True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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