I heard we made out
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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