I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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