I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
