I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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