I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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