the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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