I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
