i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
