You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
