I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
