I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
