Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
This is classic penis vs brain.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
